Just A Little Bit: Respect, Please

            There was a day when children were taught to say “please” and “thank you”.  They were taught to give their seat to an older person.  There was a day when children would sit at the dinner table and both parents would be present.  Somewhere along the way, a whole generation of children has somehow missed out on someone teaching them a few simple rules.  Rudeness seems to rule the day; not only from the children but from their parents as well. Respect is a forgotten idea.

Last week on Tuesday evening, my husband took me to dinner at a nice restaurant in Fayetteville.  We sat in a booth and we were trying to have a leisurely, quiet dinner, just the two of us.  Just after we were seated, a family of three was seated in the booth behind me – a mother and two little boys who appeared to be about 8 and 10 years old.  They were old enough to know how to behave in public.  At first, I did not really pay attention but as our meal progressed, I had no choice but to pay attention.  The mother was talking on her cell phone and not paying any attention to what her children were doing.  One kept kicking the seat.  The other kept standing in the seat and peering over at me.  My husband, who is very good at giving children the “evil” eye, did not faze them.  When a French fry covered in ketchup landed in my hair, something inside of my snapped. 

I slid out of the seat and flagged down the closest waiter and asked for the manager.  I rounded on the woman who was still blabbing on her cell phone oblivious to what her child had done to me.  I very calmly and very quietly started waving the French fry and said, “Excuse me, but your child just put this French fry in my hair.” 

She said, “Oh, he is not my child” and kept talking into her cell phone saying, “Some lady thinks these kids are mine”.

The rest of the conversation is kind of a blur but I do remember asking if she found the children in the parking lot or if she had kidnapped them.  I did not raise my voice but I was angry and appalled that this woman did not care.

By this time the manager, showed up and was standing their ringing her hands.  Everyone in the restaurant was watching.  My husband was embarrassed.  (He said later that he thought I was going to shove the French fry up the lady’s nose).  The manager gave us our dinner for free.  The woman with the children never admonished the child in her care.  The child did have enough sense to look a little sheepish.  I was not upset with the child; I was upset with the woman.  What is so difficult about teaching a child to be respectful?  What is so difficult about being respectful as an adult?

I did not birth any children but I do have a number of children who are a part of my life.  I have three nieces, one God son, one step son and a plethora of children who belong to my friends and other relations.  These kids all know I am fun and I am the one who will take them to the movies, a ballgame or to White Water.  They also know that I have a rule and they will not be allowed to hang out with me if they choose not to follow the rule.  The rule is to be polite to me, to each other and to anyone we encounter.  My God son wrote his senior English paper about me being the “keeper of the manners”. 

I usually let things roll right off me like water off a duck’s back.  I never get upset with children.  They behave the way they are taught to behave or NOT taught to behave. I usually just ignore people who have no clue.  I have been in plenty of restaurants with screaming children whose parents seem to be totally unaware that their children are causing problems.  Other times, I see children behaving beautiful and interacting with each other and their parents.  However, it seems there are more and more ill-mannered people in general.  The concept of doing unto others as you would have them do unto you seems to be lost on a whole generation.  There seems to be sarcastic remarks instead of a kind word.  It is disheartening to me that respect is going by the way side with so many family values.
--Jane Adamson-Merrill


It's All About The Parenting


Allow me to began by saying that I am the proud mother of two wonderful daughters. Now, I am not saying that my girls are perfect. However, they know that when they leave home, they represent my husband and myself.(So they better not act a fool.) Having said this, as I read the post above, I too was very disheartened by the astrocious behavior of these two young children in the restaurant. However, I believe that the blame goes directly to the parents.
We live in a world where our children are bombarded with all types of people. It is my responsibilty to provide my children with positive images. When they are exposed to negative images, it is my responsibilty to explain what they have seen or heard is wrong. By the same token, it is my job as a parent to teach my child manners. I don't understand why when a child does something good, we say, "Your parents must be so proud." Yet when they do something bad, we are quick to ask, "Where did you get that behavior from?" Well, I am here to tell you, if you follow a rude child home, 9 times out 10 you will find a rude parent.
I realize that the two boys in the post above were not with their mom. In my opinion, this made the situation even worse. If I can not trust my children to do the right thing when in the presence of an adult, then how will they ever learn to respect authority or even themselves?
Tamika R. Huff